i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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