fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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