This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
