for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
