OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
