It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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