Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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