Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
