dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
