i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
