dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
