If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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