I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
