There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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