so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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