They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize