So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
