I bet he comes in French.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
