Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
