Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
