shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
