Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
