i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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