see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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