Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
