His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
