We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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