ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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