you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
