And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
no you cant smoke seaweed
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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