I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
