I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
