Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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