I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
