billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
