I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
