She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
