I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
