Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
