I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
