We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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