his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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