Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
