Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
