pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
