is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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