maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
