You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Don't make out with my wife yet
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize