so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
