OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
