Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
