Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
