I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
