Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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