I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Let the clothes fall where they may.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
