Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
