im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
