I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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