I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
