You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Let's get the cat blown out
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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