Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
