idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize