Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
