we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
