im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
