K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
