Got a toothbrush?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
