My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize