Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
