Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
