You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
