it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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