i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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