I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
