i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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