It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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