I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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