I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
