Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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