so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
