doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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