you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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