you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
