Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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