Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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