Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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