so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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