i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
