he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
