Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
