Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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