Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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