So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
