Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
